Stanzas

My sister-in-law is getting married a few days from now, and my wife's cousins are preparing a video presentation to be shown during the reception. Each family is required to come up with a short video greeting for the newlyweds. I've just come back from a two-day mountain climb, and coming up with a video greeting is farthest from my mind. My battered body needs to rest. Family is family, though.

However, I've always looked at video greetings as a tired cliche, and I believe that most of them are forgotten after only a short while. Add to that is the fact that with a video greeting, it's difficult to see through a person's sincerity (or the lack of it). I prefer words. I prefer to write something for the newlyweds. I look at and treat words as remnants of a person's heart and soul. Words may lie, but to the one who is skillful in analyzing words, the lie becomes apparent and the real intent is revealed.

Obviously, for a wedding I have to write something about Love, and some of its idiosyncrasies. It's always been one of my favorite topics. Love and pain are two of my more or less constant inspirations. Could be my undoing, but what can I do? Here are the stanzas I came up with:

1

Love happens,
is unplanned.
Like the breaths I take, and,
in your absence,
my despondence.
Like my heartbeats,
their frenzy,
in your nearness.

2

Love consumes me.
Into oblivion,
I relegate the past;
Now and Possibilities
make up my dreams.

3

Love is my calling.
You are, of my passion,
the unwitting object;
you are, of my soul,
the dream.

A Trade

Rather than go to waste,
With its wretchedness waylaying,
Or fall out of grace,
With trespasses damning;
A trade will save this soul,
Will breathe new fire
To your dying embers;
I'm done early, too soon,
Perhaps,
No more island oases
In my ocean,
I keep sail under starless nights,
The sea's heaving, a dull,
Deathly monotone.
My futility is your
New lease on life,
My darkness,
Your light.
My loves can, my absence,
Survive,
Would not, your bundles of innocence;
'Tis finality, 'tis the end,
'Tis my life,
Spent.



(For my brother, Benjie.)

Preparations

I'm gearing up for a mountain climb, hoping to find something up there, something life-changing, or inspiring; something to give me fresh hope, and meaning; something to banish the dark cloud of despondence. Will I?

If my wild side overtakes me, then I just might choose to remain up there, forever, above the clouds, majestic and serene; detached from the chaotic, filthy lowlands.

When I was 5, Heaven was a lot easier to understand. It was simply up there, following me wherever I went. It was so close and natural. I was naive. Five decades later, it has become abstract and, at times, questionable. I now equate earthly happiness with it, the happiness which is becoming rarer in my life.

The mountain may yet reveal something to me. It calls.

Angels

Very recently, I was the recipient of short home movies and photos from my brothers. They are my windows to their world, to their lives, to their happiness and laughter, amidst the fact that our mother is gone, and our father, the remaining pillar of our family, continues to advance in years and on to his date with his destiny; amidst the fact that one of my brothers continues to wage a difficult, uphill, draining battle against his disease. Even with my daily pleadings and prayers, a number of things are unstoppable.

For now, things are holding. Life goes on for them, and for us back here. The connections remain strong. These were forged from collective experiences, from many years of togetherness, from shared ancestry.

My nephews and nieces are all so beautiful. They're angels all. Life beckons to them and holds so much promise. They will probably know me only by name, through being mentioned in passing, or in some vague family tale. Whether they know about me or not is of no major significance. They are a part of me, and I wish them the best, and all the love and happiness this life can offer.