Life is a vast ocean interspersed with isles of happiness. In-between are our lonely journeys.

I'm now officially accredited by the Renal Nurses Association of the Philippines (RENAP). I checked their website and my name is included in the list of those who passed the accreditation exam given last April 24. Thank You, Lord.

When I'm at home with no professional pursuits (like right this very instant), I'm able to catch a glimpse of depression and what it does to the human spirit. Of course, this is not the first time that I've been in this territory, but it has been a good several months since I last slipped into its depths.

This state and frame of mind make me overly critical of myself. I see my life as a constant vacillation between euphoria and despair, success and failure, with prolonged stays in the latter.

The weather isn't cooperating at all. We are having rains when it should be the thick of summer. World weather has gone awry. Sunshine and blue sky and puffy white clouds have always provided me with emotional lift, but I don't think I can count on this bit of help for the next several days.

The nurse forums I go to lately don't help, either. They confirm that nurses here are an exploited lot. Health facilities here charge nurses sums of money for hospital experience, even if we volunteer our services. Can you imagine that? There's a dearth of jobs especially for nurses my age. I know I have to acquire at least a year's worth of good hospital experience, but now I'm not so sure if I'll have even the slightest chance that I'll be able to do it.

It seems all to easy to succumb to despair and depression, slide down into its familiar depths, and be wrapped in its inviting embrace. But it's something I want to avoid right now, and so I fight back. Not with medication or anything of the sort, but with stubborn spirit and blind faith. I'm reminded of a poem I wrote several years back, when I was similarly situated, in a limbo of sorts, with uncertainties as my only faithful companions. It all comes back so clearly now, line by line...

Prayer

And this I pray: That my dreams

Stay on with me, and wedded

To my stubborn hopes shall concoct

The most potent of elixirs,

To banish each and every squall

And pall of gloom,

To consign into nothingness

The murmurs of failed causes;

To spring forth pleasant surprises

For the soul, to dab a pallet

Of colors on gray days;

That may inner strength be

At my beck and call

To foil devious hopelessness and arrest

The sinister plots of melancholy,

And this I pray: That may this prayer hold.