One of the family's comedians, my brother Benjie, is indisposed. I don't know for how long. He is waging an uphill battle against a malevolent disease, a disease that saps his spirit and dreams. From sparse accounts I get from other family members, Benjie, the perennial clown who takes every opportunity to practise his heaven-bestowed gift of making people laugh and be happy and consequently have a generally more optimistic take on life, has taken a leave of absence and become withdrawn and contemplative, and certainly very tired from his treatments.
I'm sure he has a lot of things on his mind, among them his wife and two very young children. It can also be surmised that he's thinking of the possibilities that lie ahead. Believe me, brother, the future for all of us is uncertain. No exceptions. Some of us may think that life allows us to see ahead and plan, whereas the truth is we cannot see ahead a minute or even a second from now. This reality is humbling. On close analysis, the things that make life worthwhile are love, hope, and faith. If you have just one of these (two or all would be best!), then you can bear life's vagaries. I'm very sure you have love.
I think of my brother very often nowadays, always returning to the times when we were growing up together. The PC, internet, video games were unheard of then. A blessing, I think, because we spent time playing children's games, including reciting lines from our favorite children's rhymes, and Japanese monster and scifi films: "O Kaka, O Kaka, San Fernandong wawa," "Chichiritchit alibangbang, salaginto't salagubang, ang babae sa lansangan, kung gumiri parang tandang," "The green slime are here! The green slime are coming!" (from the movie The Green Slime). I can imagine the smile on my brother's face as he remembers how we invented a game using these rhymes and movie line.
Simple games, yes, but they produced enough happy memories to last a lifetime. Moreover, the games of old had the finest ingredient, camaraderie, from which sprang forth sympathy, empathy, and caring. Very good for siblings and other people in general. Today's video and online games overwhelm with its technology, and leave very little for the imagination. I have to admit, a few years back I was briefly fascinated with them, preferring a game controller over reading a good book, leading my game character-hero inside an ominous-looking warehouse to blast every villain inside. The virtual blood, gore, and explosions gave me inexplicable thrill. The games catered to my dark, baser instincts. They may be enjoyed on-demand and alone, no fickle-minded playmates required. Online games? No real camaraderie needed. A common goal may bind you with other online players, but where there is only a common objective to accomplish, egocentricity and selfishness can't be far behind. No lasting, wonderful memories there.
There was a time when I was also a comic, quick to spot punch lines in the plainest of situations. But as I took life more seriously, I started becoming morose. It was life's ugly side that showed its best to me, the one with the failures, regrets, treachery, and pretentious people. The harder I struggled, the more distant my dreams became. Or did I actually chased rainbows?
But I'm slowly coming to terms with myself and reality. I'm seeing the futility of too much seriousness. Life is replete with too many unknowns. I'm at their mercy. I'm trying to bounce back, occasionally laughing at life's pranks and ironies, and at my own and other people's follies. This might seem cruel, but it's a quite effective way to deal with the harshness of my existence. If I can't get better deals, then what am I supposed to do? It would be difficult and futile to live the rest of my life sullenly.
My brother deserves this temporary intermission, if only to regain his bearings, to know where he stands; to focus on life's dearest things, without throwing in the towel.
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